Michael Writes

FAIR WARNING: This excerpt includes harsh language and deals with crimes of a sexual nature. If you are in any way offended by or may be hurt by frank discussion on that topic please don’t continue reading. Further, if you are unaware that such a crime was committed against me not more than a few years ago, consider this your notice that if you read on you may find out more than you want to know.

This excerpt is from my upcoming book 100 Stamps; letters to the most influential people in my life. It is the letter I wrote to convicted murderers Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson who were found guilty of killing gay college student Matthew Shepard.

Dear Aaron McKinney & Russell Henderson,

You have never met me and there is little possibility that you ever will. Still, this letter is long overdue and I thought it was high time that I revealed a few things to both of you. You see guys, regardless of anything you did before or anything you might hope to accomplish after, the two of you will forever be known only as the guys who killed Matthew Shepard. That’s not why I’m writing, I just wanted to remind you of that fact. Call it my own little form of torture.

Well before you did what you did, I too was attacked. For me it was different, since as far as I know you didn’t rape Matt. No, you just beat the living shit out of him until he was barely recognizable. In my case there were three times as many attackers and their collective repressed homosexuality revealed itself through not only beating but also fucking me. It wasn’t until they realized that their alcohol-induced limp dicks were no match for the overload of testosterone and ‘roid rage they were experiencing that they moved on to the handle of the yard rake.

See guys, I know a thing or two about your type. I don’t care what it was that led you to get him into your truck that night. My personal opinion is that you were bored and your hormones got ahead of you. You were just after a blowjob, right? Come on, you can admit it now. Tons of straight guys do it, but most of them just zip up and go home to their wives or girlfriends after the deed is done. They don’t tie them to fences, beat them and take away their shoes. You took his shoes? What the hell was that bloody, bruised and broken kid supposed to do, chase you?

I’m really not even writing this to tell you off, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. No, I’m actually writing to thank you. That’s right boys, I want to thank you both for accidentally doing something that was so much more than simply beating a small town faggot on a desolate back road and leaving him for dead. Want to know what your anger-fed, one-off murder spree accomplished? Just take a look around. If you had not been so stupid, the world would have most likely never known the name Matthew Shepard. He wasn’t on the fast track to super stardom. He was just a kid who liked to go to college and hang out with his friends. Now, because of your efforts, the people now have Saint Matthew, patron saint of homos everywhere.

For a long time I suffered from survivor’s guilt. After everything that happened to me, I lived to tell the story. I went to Laramie and I saw the fence. I saw the fear, hatred, silence and bigotry. I saw Fred Phelps and his crew with the poster board hate speech and I saw the shame that you caused your town.

Most of all, I saw a country made aware of bias (“hate”) crimes against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people because you decided to turn this cute, young, quiet blond gay boy into their poster child.

Thanks, guys.